What About Now
by tiggerbounced
Summary: Late Season 5. Tina has just broken up with Henry and is now single. Will Bette seize the opportunity? One-shot songfic detailing Bette's thought process.


**Disclaimer: The L Word does not belong to me and neither does this song which was originally by Daughtry but covered by Westlife. **

_Shadows fill an empty heart as love is fading_

Bette's head whipped around as she saw movement at the corner of her eye, "What was that? Tina? Is that you?"

Bette stared out into the moonlit backyard, it was empty. Her head dropped, "Fuck!" she thought, "why would I even think Tina would be here? It's not as if she's going to get back with me. She didn't even look me in the eye when she told us all that she had broken up with Henry."

_From all the things that we are but are not saying_

Looking down at her clasped hands, Bette's thoughts raced ahead "But I can still feel the love, the way she looks at me when she thinks I'm not looking."

_Can we see beyond the scars  
And make it to the dawn?_

Bette sighed "Yeah, right. That's the way she looked at me too, when we were together before she ran into Henry's arms. That's what made it hurt so bad."

_Change the colors of the sky  
And open up to the ways you made me feel alive_

"Yet I still want you back, I would take you back in an instant. No one ever made me feel the way you did, not Candace, not any of those faceless women who I used to fuck around with before meeting you, not even Jodie."

_The ways I loved you, for all the things that never died_

"Oh God, Jodie. She knew that I was not over you, that my love for you was never gonna end."

_To make it through the night love will find you_

"That's why she kept fighting with me, struggling to get my attention and perhaps some of my love. I was so tired of it, so so tired."

_What about now? What about today?  
What if you're making me all that I was meant to be?_

Bette leaned back into the lounge chair, looking up at the stars "Should I tell you? Should I not?"

_What if our love never went away?  
What if it's lost behind words we could never find?_

"Would it make a difference? Do you actually still care? I've never been one to open up, and the most I've ever opened was when I was with you. I used to feel safe enough to tell you everything, but now I'm scared. I'm fucking terrified."

_Baby, before it's too late, what about now?_

"But what if you decide to move on? Without me? Because you think I'm happy with Jodie? What will I do then?"

_The sun is breaking in your eyes to start a new day_

Bette smiled as she thought of how Tina had looked earlier that day – beautiful. That simple word that definitely could not encompass Tina's full beauty. She might have been hurting from the split, or emotionally weak, but she was still ethereally beautiful on the outside.

Her smile slowly faded as she realised that Tina was back on the meat market, word traveled very fast in WeHo. With her qualities, Tina definitely would not be single for long. Where would that leave her?

_This broken heart can still survive with a touch of your grace_

"She may not know it, but even when she was with Henry, I hung around, masking my pain as long as I was able to see her. To see her aim a smile at me, to see her even look at me. It was enough, I was willing to take whatever she was willing to give."

_Shadows fade into the light  
I am by your side where love will find you_

"I'm here Tina, I'm here. But you don't know that I still want you, do you? That I would die if someone else got their grubby hands on you first? I don't know if I can stand by and watch you be with someone else again."

_What about now? What about today?  
What if you're making me all that I was meant to be?_

"It goes back to the same questions again? Today? Tomorrow? Tell Alice? Tell you? Personally?"

_What if our love never went away?  
What if it's lost behind words we could never find?_

"What if you want to move on without me? What if I tell you and I scare you off and those are the last words I ever get to say to you? Is it worth losing you? Is it better to just have you here by my side, as my friend?"

"But what if you are waiting for me? What if you really still love me and want to get back together with me?"

_Baby, before it's too late, what about now?_

"Do I dare try?"

_Now that we're here  
Now that we've come this far, just hold on_

"After losing the baby, after Candace, after Helena, after Henry, after Jodie, we're still friends. Friends with a strong undercurrent of something else. I feel it all the time. Should I bank on that?"

_There is nothing to fear, for I am right beside you  
For all my life, I am yours_

"I'm sure of my feelings, Tina, but I'm not sure of yours. And I don't dare to guess, I thought we were forever the last time, but bam! You moved on callously to Henry. Obviously I thought wrong."

_What about now? What about today?  
What if you're making me all that I was meant to be?_

"And yet, can I live with myself if I don't try? I only ever felt like I was worth something when I was with you."

_What if our love never went away?  
What if it's lost behind words we could never find?_

"Yet, if you still loved me, why didn't you say anything? Why didn't you look me in the eye? Unless..."

Bette sat upright, "No way," she murmured. "Unless Tina's scared too?" her voice trailed off as she processed this epiphany.

_What about now? What about today?  
What if you're making me all that I was meant to be?_

"It's possible ain't it? We both hurt each other so much, the last thing we want to do is repeat it. That much I do know."

_What if our love never went away?  
What if it's lost behind words we could never find?_

Bette stood up and moved inside the house, grabbing her favourite photo of Tina, running her fingers over it.

"Oh Tina, this is for all those times you complained about me not opening up. I'm going to trust, trust that there's still something between us."

_Baby, before it's too late_

The revving of the engine cut through the silent night, announcing its intent to anyone who bothered to listen hard enough.

_Baby, before it's too late_

"I'm coming Tina, I'm coming. I hope that this conclusion didn't come too late. It was inevitable, but I did need to face my insecurities."

_Baby, before it's too late_

"It's fucking 3am, this better be an emergency!" a disgruntled and annoyed voice declared.

_What about now?_

"Bette?!"


End file.
